The Blonde in Black Lace (1972)





Cast:

John Holmes, Mycle Brandy, Susan Westcott, Chlorine Stillwater, Charles Lish, Eve Orlon, Alain Patrick

"JOHN HOLMES is back as Private Dick Johnny Wadd in The Blonde in Black Lace, a fast-paced crime porno directed by BOB CHINN and featuring buxom MYCLE BRANDY as Holmes’ Gal Friday (and every other day) and two villains so dastardly that only a fourteen-inch dong from Hell can foil them.

You see, the bad guys are into sex and voyeurism. This is told to Mr. Wadd by the titular blonde, Mrs. Susan Frenaux (SUSAN WESTCOTT), the wife of billionaire oil tycoon Arthur Frenaux. "Oh,yes,there’s something else," she adds like she almost forgot, "for the past week, he’s been trying to kill me." Yup, her hubby is a psycho voyeur, and his bodyguard, Bill, is Arthur’s sex-crazed accomplice.

Big John begins the case by immediately fucking old flame CHLORINE STILLWATER, and then driving out to the Frenaux beach house to peep at Arthur who’s peeping at Bill who’s fucking EVE ORLON. After taking some incriminating snapshots, the Wadd-o-matic loses the film, returns to the beach house, and finds Arthur dead. For no apparent reason, Bill the bodyguard next kidnaps Susan. Also for no apparent reason, Holmes rescues her, then kicks Bill’s ass all over an oil field in another of Chinn’s patented lame-o fight scenes.

Afterwards, the Man with the Mutant Member wraps up the case the Johnny Wadd way — by fucking Miss Westcott and Miss Brandy in quick succession. What a pro. We’d love to give this a rating of 14 but, unfortunately, the crime-and-cooze lovin’ bonermeter only goes up to a mere 8.5."


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